envy vs. jealousy

While these terms are often used interchangeably, jealousy denotes a more negative connotation than envy. Envy implies wishing you had the same opportunities someone else has, whereas jealousy implies feeling resentful of the opportunities that person has (perhaps feeling that you deserve it just as much or more).

Example of envy: “Wow, my friend booked a really cool part. I’m happy for them and they deserve it! But I wish I could book something like that too, and I’m honestly feeling a little sad that I don’t yet have the same accomplishments they do.”

Example of jealousy: “Wow, my friend booked a really cool part. But honestly, I deserve that success more than they do because I’ve [been working harder/doing this longer/am a better actor/etc.]”

Envy can be redirected into more positive outlets (more on that later), but if you’re feeling jealousy, it’s important to take a step back and reframe your thinking.

understanding the reasons behind envy

As bizarre as it may sound, envy can actually help reveal something about yourself and what your true, specific goals are. That’s why it’s important to take a moment to deconstruct why someone else’s success is making you feel bad about yourself. “My first goal for managing envy healthily is to reflect on why I’m jealous, or why the situation impacted me so much,” says Gustav Humo.

Often, it comes down to one of the following three things (or some combination of them).

Desire for significance

At their core, most people feel a need to be seen or appreciated in some way, though this need can manifest differently in each individual. Perhaps you see others getting praise for their accomplishments, new followers on social media, or promotional/appearance opportunities, and wish you had that too.

While the idea of desiring attention is often seen as negative or perhaps even shameful, it’s important to actually address and unpack this need rather than trying to bury it. For example, if you find yourself envying actors who have a large fanbase, stop and think about why that is. Is it because you feel unappreciated or overlooked in your daily life (such as with a partner, family member or boss)? Do you struggle with low self-worth to where the idea of someone admiring you would help you feel validated? Do you wish you could travel but can’t afford to, so the idea of going to conventions sounds appealing? Or do you simply feel that if you could become a “big name”, clients would take notice and it would help you book more acting opportunities?

None of these answers are necessarily “wrong”—after all, it is human to feel this way. But if that goal isn’t immediately obtainable in the form of your acting career, what are some other ways that you can find validation and self-worth?

Desire for financial security

Desiring financial security doesn’t necessarily mean wanting to be rich – it can simply mean the desire to be able to pursue your ideal career without worrying about how you’re going to make ends meet. It’s not greedy to want to be making enough money to be able to afford a comfortable living space or invest in great audio gear or a killer demo. Voice acting tends to be a field where you must spend money in order to make money, so even things that could help you level up in terms of bookings – like classes – can seem out of reach financially.

As basic human needs – such as housing, food, and health care – become more difficult to afford, people may find themselves working longer hours, leaving less time and energy to pursue artistic endeavors. Especially if you’re working hard all the time at a day job, it’s perfectly valid to wish that you were making enough off of your creative passions to be able to quit. And it’s easy to become envious when you see your peers or seniors be able to make a living from being a voice actor. “It can be discouraging when you go for the same opportunities and only find yourself striking out. This is especially true for me when I find it’s potentially because I lack the funds for things like a professional demo or similar,” admits Jesse Hawford.

Desire for opportunity

Fear of missing out is real, and a lot of times, the reason you want to book a certain gig isn’t necessarily because of the paycheck or the popularity of the franchise (although those are certainly nice side effects), but because you are passionate about the work and know you’d have fun doing it. It can compound your frustration when someone you know gets an opportunity you really wanted but they see it as just another paycheck, whereas you were hoping to book it because you were excited for the experience itself.

One common trigger for envy is seeing others get opportunities you’d love to have, but never even got the chance to try out for. “It’s one thing if I put out my best and someone else is chosen; I can at least say I tried and can make peace with it. But something I didn’t even have the chance for, even if logically I wouldn’t have a method to (agencies only, knowing certain people involved, even knowing the project existed, etc), gets me for some reason,” says Ryan Gaiser.

By pinpointing what your deeper desires are, you can more effectively address them in healthy ways—such as cultivating new and existing friendships with peers, developing a business plan, or aiming to increase your audition opportunities.

how jealousy impacts your own journey

personally

When you feel jealous of others, it can negatively affect your mental health. Instead of doing something productive with your time and energy, you end up feeling bad about yourself or perhaps even sorry for yourself. “In the early parts of my corporate career I was much more prone to envy, particularly if I thought someone didn’t deserve their success. I spent a lot of time learning to deal with that,” says David Winter.

in relationships

Particularly if you start feeling resentful of other actors, it becomes difficult to maintain strong relationships with your industry colleagues. If you feel someone else “had it easy” or otherwise didn’t deserve the opportunities they’ve been given, you may find it hard to form or maintain a genuine friendship with that person.

Despite the competitive nature of voice acting, forming at least a few close friendships with others in your peer group is virtually essential to your well-being as an actor. While having friends outside the industry is important too, getting to know others who are at a similar point as you in their own journeys can mean you can mutually support each other and lift each other up. Jealousy can throw a wrench in these relationships, particularly when you see the others in your peer group succeeding but feel that you aren’t.

professionally

Jealousy can hamper your own career growth by making you feel less motivated. For example, you might think “Why should I bother doing agency submissions, when all of these other people around me are getting signed instead?” It becomes easier to focus on what you don’t have versus what you could have.

Additionally, if your jealousy affects you to the point where you give off generally negative vibes, people may be hesitant to be around you or put you forward for potential opportunities. Therefore, it’s important to recognize jealousy when you see it and try to keep it in check.

tips for dealing with these feelings

You’ve taken the first step by acknowledging the feelings you are experiencing—perhaps even by admitting them out loud or writing them down. But what are some constructive ways to deal with your envy?

Keep in mind perception versus reality.

People tend to share their highlights and “wins” on social media, but when they’re feeling down, they may only tell those closest to them. Just because you only see celebratory posts on social media doesn’t mean that person you’re comparing yourself to isn’t struggling with dry spells (projects like video games have often long since finished recording by the time actors are allowed to announce their roles), impostor syndrome, and general feelings of inadequacy. Perhaps they’re even comparing themselves to their more accomplished peers just as you are!

Take stock of your own accomplishments.

It’s easy to focus on what you DON’T have, but what about the things you DO have? Make a list of things you’re grateful for, no matter how big or small. For instance, if you have been cast in even a single project, that’s one role right there that you specifically were chosen for. Go through your resume if need be and take a moment to be grateful for everything you’ve been given and the experiences you’ve had recording. And even if you haven’t had those experiences yet, you can still take a moment to express gratitude for the people you’ve met and things you’ve learned.

Talk to close friends you trust.

If you have other actors you’re close with, ask if they’ve got the bandwidth for you to vent. Be honest about how you’re feeling, and ask if they’ve dealt with similar feelings (chances are they have!) and what they did to combat it.

Remember there are much bigger things outside of your bubble.

Voice acting shouldn’t be your entire world, but it’s easy to focus on it to the point where it alters your perspective.

For example, if you hang out with a bunch of people who are into anime and gacha games, you might constantly hear them talk about certain voice actors they are fans of and feel a little envious because people don’t really talk about you that way. But once you go outside of that specific niche world, most random people on the street wouldn’t necessarily know or care who specific English dub actors are or have even watched/played most of those properties.

Having actor friends is important, but actors shouldn’t be your only friends. Get involved in groups related to your other hobbies and interests, and reach out to those people when you need a breather from just talking about industry stuff all the time. It will help provide a fresh perspective and reinforce the fact that even if acting is your passion, it’s not the only thing that matters in life.

Unplug from social media.

If social media is making you feel bad about yourself, take a break from it! There is nothing so important that you absolutely need to check it on a regular basis—potential clients should be able to find your email address on your website if they’re interested in reaching out to you, and open casting calls will still be posted on places like Discord.

If you like to check socials for other reasons – such as keeping up with current news or an unrelated fandom/hobby – consider making a “burner account” that is not connected to voice acting, and curate your feed on that particular account to only show you things unrelated to work.

Keep yourself busy.

The busier you are, the less time you have to stew over the things that aren’t happening for you. See if you can pick up extra hours at work. Volunteer for a cause that’s important to you. Learn a new creative skill or hobby. Or, use that free time to better your own situation by marketing your skills to new clients or signing up for a workshop! “I usually try to keep involved in my own activities, be it music, writing, hanging out with friends or playing games, and I just keep auditioning as much as I can,” says Patrick Mealey.

Resist the urge to put yourself on an artificial timeline.

A common trigger for envy is feeling that others are progressing faster than you, or achieving their goals sooner despite putting in less time than you have. But there is no set timeline for when goals must be accomplished, nor is there a certain arbitrary age by which you “should have” found success in acting. There will always be more jobs, and even if you feel you missed out on being a part of the current “big thing”, imagine all the cool future projects that haven’t even been conceptualized yet.

Frankie Vega recalls, “I took a 2-mile meditative walk recently and one of the things I realized was that I knew exactly where I was going, so I was able to sit back and embrace the moment. I learned to embrace each step I took instead of prodding over how I’m going to get to my destination or when I’m going to get there or how I should’ve gotten there faster. Voice acting is a marathon, not a sprint; some people happen to start from different places. I am where I am, and I cannot rush my process.”

Find ways to positively support others around you.

Take a moment to lift someone else up by complimenting them or congratulating them. When you take the focus off of yourself and put out positive energy, it will help you learn to be truly happy for others, and make them feel good in the process!

Put yourself in someone else’s shoes—if you were the one who booked a lead role or signed with an agency, wouldn’t you want your friends and peers to support you and be happy for you? Celebrate others’ wins, and when your own turn comes, people will celebrate yours as well.

Learn to let go of entitlement.

It’s not fun, but an unfortunate truth of the business that nobody is entitled to a role, or an audition, or an award. If you send off an audition with the mentality that you deserve to book it, chances are you will be disappointed because statistically, the odds are slim. Do your best, work hard, be grateful for the opportunities you do get… and try not to set your expectations beyond what’s reasonable.

Meet with a therapist if you’re able to.

While unfortunately not everyone is able to afford therapy, take advantage of the option if it’s accessible to you. Meeting with a licensed professional – whether virtually or in-person – can help you manage your mental health in constructive ways.

And finally, redirect your envy into fuel to motivate you.

This is a big one. When you use your envy to realize what your end goal is, you can then start taking concrete steps toward achieving it. For example, if you’re dissatisfied with not getting much recognition for your work, look into tips on social media marketing. If you’re upset about not getting opportunities to read on a game franchise you really like, see if you can research who the casting director or recording studio involved is, and find a way to get in front of them once you’re sure you’re ready.

If you find yourself being envious of another actor who ends up booking a lot of the roles you read for, consider studying their performances to see what they’re doing that’s effective acting-wise and use it to inspire your own reads. “I find that it helps me to look up to people I could potentially feel envious of, so it benefits me overall. It makes the process of developing my quality and skills way more satisfying and fun,” says Kayla Lamatrice.

Remember to start small and stay realistic! Every step you take to get closer to your goal is worth something.

what if YOU’RE the target of someone else’s jealousy?

While this article primarily focuses on how to deal with feeling jealous of others, there may be a time when someone else is jealous of YOU! Sometimes this is harmless, but in worse-case scenarios it can manifest into someone spreading rumors behind your back, making passive-aggressive comments, or even attempting to sabotage your career!

Disarm them with kindness.

If you’re sensing “off” vibes from someone, try reaching out if you feel comfortable doing so. This could mean following them back on social media, leaving a “like” or a supportive comment, or introducing yourself if you see them in person.

When someone is jealous, they may have built up negative thoughts about you in their mind, but when you treat them with kindness, it helps them see internally how irrational they are being.

Exercise tact and compassion.

If you have a friend who’s going through a rough time career-wise, avoid openly bragging in front of them about how much you’re booking or how well things are going for you. This doesn’t mean you can’t post about your accomplishments or share news that you’re genuinely excited for, but being sensitive to what others may be dealing with can go a long way in group chats or in-person hangouts. Your friends should support and congratulate your wins, but no one likes being around someone who constantly boasts about themselves or their career.

Set a boundary as to how you will allow yourself to be treated.

If someone is treating you poorly, you’re under no obligation to continue to try to help them or be friends with them. How you approach the situation is largely up to your own comfort level—for example, if you’ve been told that someone who’s envious of you is trying to invalidate your hard work and speaking poorly behind your back, you may calmly confront them IF you think you might want to salvage the relationship. But you’re also completely within your right to simply ignore or even block them.

Surround yourself with people who are secure in themselves.

If you routinely hang out with people who are constantly down on themselves or give off negative energy, it can start to affect your own mental health. Everyone goes through rough times here and there, but if you’re tired of feeling like you have to dim your light to keep others happy, consider spending time with people who are already confident in their own journeys and don’t feel the need to tear others down.

Mind your own business and do what works for you.

It’s easy to obsess over being liked, but not everyone is going to like everyone else, whether those reasons are fair or unfair. Focus on doing your best work and being your best self, and you will ultimately attract like-minded, motivated people.